Ex-UFC strawweight champion Jessica Andrade revealed the heartbreaking feelings that she felt when she first began making adult content.
The 32-year-old began running a subscription page where she released explicit images of herself in late 2021. While she admitted that it was financially fruitful, the Brazilian MMA star opened up about the memories of her childhood trauma that were dredged up during the time she was making X-rated content.
Andrade closed the page down in 2022 and spoke to Cortes do Connect Cas, where she said admitted: "I never liked doing that, can you believe it? That was really bad for me. Because I have childhood traumas, stuff like abuse, and everything. When I did that, I felt the same way."
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Andrade - who is back in action at UFC 295 on November 11 - said she "hated" operating the page. "I felt my hands were tied, I couldn’t react. Do you know when you freeze? It got very deep into my trauma. And I couldn’t say no. I never wanted to do [it]. I hated it, hated it. I had never spoken [about childhood abuse].
"Only the closest people knew. Now the whole world will know. But it’s part of it. It was something that really traumatised me and I didn’t know how to say ‘no.’ It referred to me [to what I had experienced in childhood]. When the first pictures leaked it was really bad. Because I had to pretend that I was fine, and I wasn’t fine."
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The money she earned through the site allowed her to pay off her car and pay for her rent several months in advance but the emotional toll it was taking on her led to close the site as she focuses on getting back to winning ways in the UFC following a three-fight losing streak.
She takes on fellow Brazilian Mackenzie Dern and faces the risk of a four-fight skid this Saturday (November 11) but Andrade said she's highly motivated to earn her first win since the beginning of the year. "I think there is a lot of pressure," she said.
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"I think for me, I’ve seen so many things throughout my career in the UFC that to me, it’s more motivation to get back in the win column, motivation to have a comeback, motivation to keep my place in there. So for me, it’s more motivation than pressure."